NFL

Here’s a story, of a man named Brady

Here’s a story, of a man named Brady

Gaga, O where art thou? Since you graciously exited NRG Stadium this prawn has been cooked…on a skewer no less. I take solace in the fact most other prawns not from the New England area are caught in the same proverbial net. Cold comfort no doubt and as much as I’d prefer to talk about Tom Brady’s shrivelled balls and throw in a shrimp analogy, I must acknowledge this bloke’s ability with inflated balls!

How many legs does a prawn have anyway? Enough to abscond with the jersey belonging to a GOAT? Sounds absurd doesn’t it old mate? Sure, but it happened. One of the more bizarre stories to unfold out of Superbowl LI (51 in the metric system).

I digress. The GOAT’s (Greatest of all time, seppos) status was etched in bronze for all to see in what will go down as the greatest Superbowl of all time and the first to go to OT. This Pacific ocean king prawn of the antipodes was left in awe of today’s events, given the Patriots were down 28-3 late in the third quarter. Crikey I shouted, I literally shat thousand island dressing when Julian Edelman caught that ball. I’m no shrimp but for a little guy, Edelman moves more like a lobster than a crab.

This raw prawn was backing the Atlanta Falcons and when they were leading 28-3, I thought Brady’s New England clam chowder was cooked. Alas, it was not to be. Statistically, Brady turned in the greatest Superbowl performance. Ever. Given Brady threw a pick six, was sacked five times and even covered the god damn spread, how did he come up with a performance greater than a POTUS tweet on the latest dumb deal from Prime Minister Trumbull?

Brady now has four MVP’s, five rings and is unequivocally not just the greatest quarterback to ever play the game, but the greatest player. Ever. His legacy and that of Mr Chuckles Bill Belicheck are confirmed by the one time owner of vegemite (Bob Kraft of Vegemite and Thousand Island dressing fame) declaring as much on the victory dais. He might actually have a point.

The victory came without tight end, Rob Gronkowski with Martellus Bennett trawling the net nicely in his absence.

Brady went 43/62, 466 yards and two touchdowns with an interception (a pick six), which is a superbowl record.

Each superbowl victory has been by less than seven points but that should not detract from a dynasty that stands unrivalled in modern sport. Federer, Serena and now Brady. All old farts in their own right but all champions on the wrong side of 30.

2016 was the year of the celebrity passing. Maybe 2017 will be the year of the geriatric sports hero???

What a story to tell at the urinal of my local Red Lobster in the years to come. Be better than the one about the time I had crabs…over for a BBQ!

To my crustacean bretheren, you know what they say about a prawn, great body, shame about the head…

Strewth, I’ve lost Michelle (my shell)!

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